Top Hat, White Tie, and Bomb Sights
by SeenaC
Summary: Hogan feels oddly betrayed when he discovers Klink spying on him.  Hogan decides to enact revenge whilst also completing a crucial mission for London.  Complicated plots are hatched on both sides.  Is Klink as irresistable as he thinks?  Feedback loved!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** 5th installment of my Hogan's Heroes series. I'm back after a hiatus, but I'm very excited about continuing my narrative. All previous warnings still apply. I am sticking with the format I introduced in "Movies Are Your Best Escape" - that is, chapters alternate between a first person POV from Hogan, then Klink. We begin with Hogan...

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. I make no profit.

Top Hat, White Tie, and Bomb Sights

A few days after we successfully smuggled the film detailing the plans for the German Fourth Army, we received an important transmission from London, top priority. It seemed that communication had broken down between London and a local Underground agent by the name of "Willie" who was working at the Hausnerhof Hotel in Hammelburg. London was desperate for us to alert him to cancel a weapons drop as a trap was suspected.

They provided a recognition code for us to use: "Do you know Lili Marleen?" The response had to be: "Yes, can you spare a cigarette?"

I decided I would handle the job, as it was quite risky. With a suspected trap, that meant a suspected leak, and the source was not yet identified. I told my men that I would go out the emergency tunnel the next night as a civilian and attempt the contact in Hammelburg. I gave London's warning to Kinch to encode into a message to be slipped into a cigarette pack. That way, after "Willie" made his request for a cigarette, handing him the package would be perfectly natural.

"Civilian," I mused dreamily, "what a beautiful word...next to girls." _This war has gone on far too long..._

Newkirk's voice brought me back to earth, "Colonel, don't you think of anything else but dames?"

"'Course I do! But I fight it!"

The next morning brought bitter cold at roll call, and an unexpected construction project around the perimeter fence. Soldiers were busy digging a trench, and none of the guards, not even Schultz, were willing to talk about it. The danger, of course, was if they dug deep enough, they might break into one of our critical tunnels.

I complained to Schultz that we were standing in the cold for an unreasonable length of time. Schultz began protesting that he knew nothing for the delay in the roll call when Klink emerged from the Kommandantur bellowing, "Report!"

"All present and accounted for!" announced Schultz with his usual gusto.

"Good," Klink nodded at Schultz, "now gentlemen, I have ordered this formation for the purpose of telling you - "

I decided to break into Klink's speech to avert listening to one of his boring diatribes, "Colonel, I'd like to volunteer my command for work on the construction, outside the wire."

"How very kind of you, Colonel Hogan," Klink replied with a smile, seemingly unbothered by my rude interruption. "Do some useful work and find out exactly what we are doing there, am I correct?"

"Well, that did cross my mind," I acknowledged.

"Of course," Klink replied, "but that won't be necessary. I have called this formation for the purpose of _telling_ you what is happening. Now, prisoners I wish to inform you that the wire surrounding this camp is being electrified."

Klink paused while grumbling ran through the ranks. I was rather surprised myself. _Why would he bother to do that with his perfect record?_

"That's not so amusing, eh?" Klink continued, "The perimeter wire and the gate will carry enough voltage to electrocute anyone who touches it. Now let a word to the wise be sufficient! Stalag 13 remains escape proof!"

"Thank you Mr. Wonderful," I said sarcastically.

"Dismissed!" announced Klink refusing to react to me. He saluted Schultz and tromped off with that peculiar, hunched swagger of his.

My men quickly huddled around me, LeBeau was the first to begin.

"Electrified fence! That's terrible!"

"Another first for Stalag 13," I sighed, already trying to come up with ways to deal with this new development.

"At least now we can get fried without drinking," put in Carter, chuckling.

I love Carter for his endless optimism and good humor, but just then I wasn't in the mood. I quelled him with a look.

Kinch put a hand on my shoulder, "You won't be able to use that emergency tunnel now, Colonel."

"Sure he will," scoffed LeBeau, "they aren't digging deep enough to find it."

"Yeah," I acknowledged, "but they'll be guarding their equipment. I'll have to get out some other way."

I lead the men back to the barracks to think it over.

As we approached the door to Barracks 2, one of the guards exited the premises. We all gave each other puzzled, concerned looks. It was highly unusual for the guards to go in when we were away at roll call. Searches were usually conducted with us present, it allowed for them to identify the guilty owner of any contraband with more certainty.

We went in the front door and paused, nothing looked immediately amiss.

"Carter, check out here," I said, heading for my quarters followed by Kinch, Newkirk and LeBeau. My door was ajar. I couldn't remember with certainty if I had left it so. I usually closed it behind me. I was immediately suspicious. I began looking at the items on my table, trying to determine if they had been disturbed or if anything was missing.

It was the quick, experienced eye of Kinch that caught the first sign of trouble, he pointed at my overhead lamp. It was swinging back and forth. Not dramatically, but more than the slight drafts of our movements could cause. Kinch then pointed at the extraneous wire which was now wrapped around the hanging cord.

_A bug!_

Kinch tilted the diffuser up so I could get a better look underneath. Sure enough, there it was.

I quickly motioned to the others to keep quiet and look for more. After carefully sweeping both rooms we congregated in the outer barracks, away from the listening devices. Several were in my quarters, but none had been planted out there. Obviously, the installation had occurred while we were out at roll call being lectured by Klink about the new electrified fence.

I found myself unexpectedly furious with Klink. A small, reasonable part of my brain tried to tell me I had no business feeling angry and betrayed. After all, we had taps on his phone and bugs in his office. In fact, we had almost completed our tunnel into his quarters! Why did I expect him to respect my privacy, when I had no respect for his?

_He's the enemy. He's seeking every possible advantage, just as you are with him. All's fair in love and war, after all._

In spite of this, I found I was still unreasonably disappointed, but I forced myself to think coolly.

"So, we tear out those microphones?" asked LeBeau.

"No, hold it a minute," I said thinking. _Maybe I can let him hear things he will come to regret hearing._

"We may be able to use them to our own advantage," I continued. _Ha! I think I can engineer this into a trip into Hammelburg!_

I snapped my fingers, "Gentlemen, _Stalag 13 Theatre of the Air _is about to have its world premiere!"

_Klink will rue the day he decided to spy on me..._

A/N: As usual, I'm humbly begging for reviews. Next chapter will be from Klink's POV...


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** This chapter is from Klink's POV...

Top Hat, White Tie, and Bomb Sights - 2

After Hogan and I shared that hour together, sipping drinks and smoking cigars, I was left feeling lonelier than ever. However, I knew that I had to be cautious.

Hogan was clearly involved in things no ordinary POW should be involved in, and I fretted over what his invitation to play in his orchestra might mean. I had declined his request, for fear of what I might actually be agreeing to do. I also worried about what it would mean for me, if he were to be caught doing some sort of spying or sabotage.

Looking back on it now, I still feel that my fears were only natural, but what I chose to do about them was clearly doomed to failure. I thought perhaps I might be able to sway Hogan's sympathies to Germany. It wasn't unheard of, after all. Spies often switched sides, concerned more for their own benefit than any larger "cause." My only excuse in thinking I could switch Hogan is that I had only known him a relatively short time. I did not know Hogan then as I eventually came to know him.

Even after I decided to try and get him to switch sides, I proceeded surreptitiously. I had bugs planted in Hogan's quarters. That way, I could listen in on his conversations with his men, and find out exactly what was going on, and how best to turn circumstances to my advantage. A very secret part of me also wanted to settle my ongoing questions about whether Hogan was indeed involved with one of his men. After seeing that one kiss, there had been no additional evidence. I was driving myself mad with my ongoing speculations. I told myself that I wouldn't eavesdrop for any prurient reasons, I just needed to know, for my own peace of mind.

I felt I would benefit either way, no matter what evidence I was able to uncover. If he wasn't involved in any current affair, I could move on from wondering about it. If I overheard evidence that he was, well, then I could accept that his heart was engaged and that I needed to occupy myself elsewhere. Surprisingly, there had been recent developments on that front.

I had recently attended a _Kraft durch Freude (Strength through Joy) _picnic on a bit of a whim. My loneliness had become simply unbearable, and I wanted to find some sort of friend outside of the camp, either male or female. I wasn't really expecting anything than some simple companionship, and maybe a guarded friendship of some sort when out of the blue, Gretchen appeared.

I still couldn't quite believe that such a lovely young woman would be interested in me, but after our chance meeting at the picnic we spent the rest of the day together. She was fascinated to hear me talk about my career in the Luftwaffe, and all about life in Stalag 13. She even allowed me to escort her home!

Gretchen invited me in for coffee, but wanting to be the perfect gentleman, I made my excuses and instead asked if I might have the pleasure of her company in the future. She smiled warmly and wrote down her phone number for me. I kissed her hand and we parted, my heart soaring.

Maybe, just maybe, I had finally found a woman who really liked me! A pretty, young woman who was interested in me! I had enjoyed her company as well. I tried not to get too carried away, as I often do, but there was a stirring somewhere that perhaps this could be a relationship that might bring me enough comfort and companionship that my aching heart would stop tormenting me. A girlfriend, especially such a one as Gretchen, would stop rumors and reflect positively on my character and personality.

It had been so remarkably easy! I had always struggled to talk to women outside of my family. I never knew what on earth to say to them. How to be complimentary without being too forward, how to put them at ease when I was so anxious myself, these were puzzles to which I had never found a solution. I always seemed to become so clumsy, stepping on their toes, tripping over my own feet. The worst was the elbow that gave my dance partner a bloody nose once. I still am not sure how it happened. My hoped-for romantic evening ended at the hospital. She never spoke to me again. But I did get the cleaning bill for her dress through the mail.

_Maybe it's true...you just have to wait for the right one._

I was keeping my fingers crossed that my "right one" had finally come. Someone, I hoped, that would stop me from thinking hopeless thoughts of Hogan.

Thoughts of Gretchen were pushed aside, though, in favor of Hogan as I settled in that first evening to listen in on the microphones newly hidden in Hogan's quarters. At first I heard nothing but muffled noises, but soon there came a knocking sound, followed by Hogan's greeting. From the commotion that followed, it seemed a bunch of his men had come into his office.

Hogan then said something about putting away a book on German Grammar.

"Beautiful language," he said.

I couldn't help smiling.

Next, I heard the voice of the Englishman, Newkirk, "Sir, we have an escape plan."

I held my breath and listened even more closely.

After hearing a few more men push for an escape Hogan's voice came over the wire, "Look, I'm not in favor of escape attempts at this time."

There was a chorus of disapproval.

After it died down, Hogan continued, "With his usual brilliant efficiency, Colonel Klink is electrifying the wire."

My heart leapt. _Hogan thinks I'm brilliant? Is this really how he speaks of me to his men?_

Hogan's men protested that the wire could be shorted, allowing escape any dark night.

"That would show the lousy Krauts!" the voice of the little Frenchman rose angrily.

"Corporal!" Hogan's voice broke in, "I wish you wouldn't use that language."

"And why not, may I ask?" continued LeBeau, "they are pigs, animals, brutes, the lowest form of life on earth!"

I scowled. I could understand the man's feelings of outraged nationalism, but I felt I had always treated my prisoners fairly. He had no reason to have a grievance against _me_!

Hogan's voice rose again, interrupting the diatribe, "Sure! But how do you really feel about them? I mean, deep down, don't you have a sneaking admiration for the way they conduct themselves?"

Hogan continued, his voice dropping quietly, "There's a very good chance they're gonna win the war."

I heard the Englishman again, his voice heavy with disappointment, "Never thought I'd here you talk like that, sir."

"Colonel, are you going soft on the Krauts?" asked LeBeau belligerently.

"Let's just say that I'm being realistic," Hogan replied.

I was surprised to suddenly hear Schultz's voice, "Oh, LeBeau, I brought your, your plate back."

"Ok, Schultz."

Schultz continued, "Oh it was delicious! But you know what happened? Klink saw me eat the strudel. Oh! He almost killed me. Oh he's a devil - "

Schultz's voice became muffled. I leaned closer to the machine, frowning.

After a slight pause Schultz became audible again, "He's a devil alright! But, the most loveable devil in Germany today! He saw me eat the strudel, but you know what he did? He canceled my next leave! But he was absolutely right! I deserve it! Oh! Kommandant Klink is like a father to me!"

I was slightly surprised, but gratified that some of my discipline seemed to finally be making an impression on the man. It was outrageous that he would accept food from the prisoners! I resolutely refused to listen to the part of my heart that told me I canceled Schultz's leave partly out of jealousy that the prisoners would share a treat with him and never considered me.

"Well, I'll see you later," Schultz was saying, "obey the rules, or I'll have to do my duty and report you!"

Hogan and his men said goodbye and I heard the office door slam.

"Colonel, what about our escape plan?" asked the Englishman after things quieted.

"I'll think it over, but don't get your hopes too high."

There was another chorus of protest.

"All right!" cried Hogan, "Dismissed!"

There was more complaining, but the voices receded and then went quiet. I listened for a few minutes more, but apparently Hogan wasn't the sort to talk to himself, if he had remained in his office at all. I shut off the recorder.

After giving it some long moments of thought, I phoned General Burkhalter.

To be continued...

A/N: Next chapter we'll be back with Hogan...as always, reviews are thirsted for!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** This chapter is back to Hogan's POV.

Top Hat, White Tie, and Bomb Sights – 3

I didn't have long to wait to see the results from our first episode of "Stalag 13's Theatre of the Air."

I came in from the morning recreational period to find Schultz and a few other guards redecorating my office. I looked around for a moment, stunned.

The bunk bed was gone, replaced with a real, proper bed with a collection of throw pillows and a hand-embroidered coverlet. The walls were decorated with colorful travel posters of German-speaking countries. There were honest-to-God _lace curtains_ on my window, beer steins on my shelves, a bouquet of German wildflowers, and a bottle of wine!

_What on earth….?_

Clearly, Klink had heard me and decided to woo me. I was pleased he had taken the bait, but a little disturbed by the intimacy of the gestures.

_Wine, flowers, a bed….anyone might think he was trying to seduce more than just my political loyalties. And where did he get all this overnight? It has to be his own stuff._

I took the portrait of Hitler off the wall. Even I have my limits. I handed it back to Schultz with the instruction that he get it autographed. Schultz took it from me with no surprise nor protest.

After Schultz and the guards had gone I sat down on the bed. It felt extremely comfortable. Before I knew it, I was lying down, testing it out. It was heavenly. I'd forgotten what it was like to have a quality mattress underneath me. I pulled down the covers. Under the coverlet were no less than three thick woolen blankets, and then smooth cotton sheets. They were better sheets than what I had on my own bed at home. I squeezed the pillow; it was stuffed with down.

I ran my hands over the embroidered coverlet and pondered the situation. What could Klink possibly be thinking? Obviously, he had heard my "pro-German" statements, and had decided to take immediate action. It just happened to be actions I had never imagined. I thought perhaps he would attempt to sway me through our conversations in his office, maybe a few extra favors to sweeten me up. I never anticipated _this_.

What was _this_, exactly? What would possess Klink to think that I could be flipped with gifts of flowers, pillows, and liquor? Well, the wine made sense, but in combination with the other items, it was all very odd and unsettling.

I finally shrugged it off. After all, Klink was just a very odd man. He didn't seem to have many friends, and it was very probable that he was simply tone-deaf when it came to human relationships. Perhaps all he knew about attempting persuasion was couched in romantic gestures in his mind.

I giggled quietly to myself. This might actually turn out to be fun, watching Klink trying to charm me over to his side.

I ran my hands over the intricate embroidery, wondering which of Klink's predecessors had spent those long hours bringing the flowers and vines into vibrant life. My head sank into the pillow, and I felt a twinge of guilt. My men were going to be extremely jealous.

_Oh well….rank has its privileges…._

I called Kinch, Newkirk, LeBeau, and Carter into the office. They were all just as stunned at the transformation as I had been. I promised to share the bottle of wine with all of Barracks 2 that evening as we plotted our next episode of our little radio play.

I kept my promise, but by the time it had been shared all around, we each only got about a mouthful. Schultz came in just in time to get a mouthful for himself.

"Danke," he said, "Colonel Hogan, Klink wants you to come and see him at 07:00 tomorrow in his office."

"What? Why so early?" I asked.

Schultz shrugged, "I don't know, he just said to make sure I asked you to come."

He shuffled off and we all exchanged questioning looks. We were in the outer room, not in my office, but I still carefully lowered my voice to talk to my team.

"Looks like Klink wants to see how much I appreciate his friendly gestures. I suppose he figures the best time to have a private conversation is early in the morning. Maybe we better hold off writing a new script until I talk with him."

There was general agreement, and we turned to cards instead.

Just before lights out I went into my office to prepare for bed. Now that my initial anger had worn off, I had sort of an unsettled feeling, wondering if Klink was listening to me as I undressed and slipped between his sheets. As I settled in I couldn't help but smile slightly as I stretched luxuriously. It felt like heaven to lie on a good mattress with my head cradled on a down pillow, nestled under the comforting weight of the warm blankets.

I sighed contentedly, and was asleep soon after.

The next morning I arrived at Klink's office to find that he had set up a tete-a-tete breakfast for the two of us.

"Morning sir," I said, "I understand you wanted to see me?"

Klink smiled at me, "Yes, Colonel Hogan. I hope you had a pleasant night?"

"Oh yes. Thanks so much for the redecorating job. Best sleep I've had in ages. But sir, I have to ask - why?"

Klink's smile broadened as he waved his hand dismissively, "My dear colonel, I have been concerned for some time that Stalag 13 does not provide you with the comforts due to you as an officer of your rank. It was brought to my attention that, while you do have private quarters, you have nothing else to mark you as the senior officer of the men hosted here. I want you to feel at home here, as much as I possibly can."

My first impulse, of course, was to insist that I wanted nothing my men couldn't have as well, but I tamped that feeling down in the interest of pursuing my current deception.

"Well, thanks Colonel," I said. "That's very generous of you."

"Think nothing of it. Let me know if there's any other comforts I can provide for you. Here," he said pulling out a chair from the table, "please sit and have some breakfast with me."

After we had both sat, Klink began dishing up food for both of us.

"Well, Colonel Hogan, here we are, you and I, having a little _kaffeeklatsch_, talking things over...Now, you must confess, I am not the worst man in Germany, am I?"

Klink leaned over and smiled at me encouragingly.

"Well, I don't know everybody," I quipped.

Klink's smile died into a look of sadness that he attempted to disguise by taking a drink of his coffee.

I again experienced that odd sense of guilt that occasionally plagued me in my dealings with the Commandant. For being a career military officer, he was strangely vulnerable at times.

I hurriedly tried to provide some balm for my sting, "Actually, Commandant, I understand you a lot better than you think."

"Really?" Klink sounded puzzled.

"Not many people know this, but originally my name was Hoganmüller."

"Hoganmüller!" Klink repeated in astonishment, "remarkable! You're one of _us_?"

"From way back," I confirmed.

"That makes a big difference," exclaimed Klink. "Frankly Colonel Hogan, I would like to improve our relationship even more. Tell me, what is it you'd like most in this world?"

"Mmmm...let me think," I mused.

"You can't make up your mind?" Klink questioned.

"I know what I want, it's a question of blonde or brunette!" I joked.

Klink gave a laugh that sounded a bit forced, "Ha! What a marvelous German-American sense of humor!"

He busied himself with his toast.

"Seriously Commandant, there is one thing - I'm getting a little rock-happy. Would it be possible to go into town some night to have dinner at the Hausnerhof?"

Klink gave a nervous, regretful chuckle, "Unfortunately that's against regulations."

"Oh," I nodded understandingly, "of course. Forget it, no harm in trying."

_Looks like I'll have to sweeten the deal a bit to get him to break regulations._

I finished my coffee and said, "I better be running along. I've had a lovely time at your party."

I stood up to leave and Klink stood up with me.

"Tomorrow? Again?" Klink asked eagerly.

I groaned inwardly. Daily breakfast with Klink surely must be a violation of the Geneva Conventions?

"Why not? Unless I sleep late," I said with what I hoped was enthusiasm.

I saluted him and he saluted back saying, "Good!"

As I walked to the door he followed asking, "Tell me Hogan, is there anything special you would like for breakfast?"

_My God, the man is more eager to please than a puppy!_

I considered, then said, "Yeah, I'm very fond of crumpets, but don't go to any trouble, like, capturing England!"

Klink chuckled, more delightedly that time, and I left. As I walked back to the barracks, I was already formulating our next performance of _Stalag 13 Theatre of the Air_.

**A/N: **I just wanted to point out, all the things I mention in the redecorating of Hogan's room are shown on camera. I always thought that they were, very, uh, romantic-style gifts...


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** I just had to give a special "thank you" to my readers for nominating my four previous stories in this series for the 2011 Papa Bear Awards! I am so humbled and grateful! You guys are so awesome!

Anyway, this chapter is back to Klink's POV...

Top Hat, White Tie, and Bomb Sights - 4

My breakfast with Hogan had gone very well. I was especially interested to find out that he had German ancestry. I wished that I had thought to ask him from which area, but I would be sure to remember to ask the next morning.

That night, I again listened in on Hogan's office with the recorder going. Apparently, the prisoners had a chorus group that practiced there, as I heard them singing the "Beer Barrel Polka" loudly and enthusiastically.

Then, I heard the Englishman Newkirk's voice shouting for silence, "Ay! Knock it off! Knock it off, will ya? Hey Colonel, tell the Glee Club to knock it off please? We want to talk to ya."

"Oh really?" Hogan's voice answered, immediately cut off by the singers belting out another chorus.

"All right, all right," Hogan shouted, "hold it down a minute fellas. What's the problem?"

Newkirk spoke again, "We called this meeting sir, because we got the needle about you."

"What does that mean?" asked Hogan suspiciously.

"You had breakfast with Klink this morning. Why, he's done over your room - "

"And you've been studying German," put in the voice of Sergeant Kinchloe.

"You even asked for Hitler's autograph!" snapped the little Frenchman.

"Are those eagles on your shoulders or vultures, sir?" Newkirk finished, fury in his voice.

"Wait a minute! Where do you come off talking to me like that?" Hogan protested, "this is the first time my loyalty's ever been questioned."

"Who's side are you on?" Kinchloe demanded.

"Let me tell you guys a few things," Hogan said, his voice angry and defensive, "when I was a captain at Mitchell Field they gave me top security clearance. I was the man who helped them test the famous, secret Norden - "

Hogan was interrupted by the glee club resuming their "Beer Barrel Polka."

"Norden bombsight!" I exclaimed. _Oh, if only I could have heard what Hogan had said next!_

"Stop that singing," I cried in frustration, slapping the recorder.

I could just barely hear Hogan saying something like, "...the Germans ever know..."

"Hold it! Hold it!" Hogan finally stopped the infernal chorus, then continued "That's what the army thought of _my_ loyalty."

"'ow do we know that's the truth, sir?" questioned a still suspicious Newkirk.

"Still doubt me, huh?" replied Hogan, "All right, I'll _describe_ it. The Norden works on the..."

The glee club began singing again and it was hard to make out for certain what Hogan was saying. I was writing down everything I could make out, but it was extremely frustrating.

"Quiet Glee Club!" I snapped at the recorder.

"That's what accounts for its tremendous accuracy," Hogan was saying, "the Norden is the only invention of its kind in the world!"

The rest of his speech was again drowned by the annoying singers. I sank my head in my hands.

"...makes it possible to isolate the smallest objects at a considerable distance!" Hogan's voice temporarily surfaced from the sea of sound.

However, the chorus got louder and louder and the song finally finished with a round of cheering. After that, there was shuffling and muddled conversation that died away as the glee club and the complainants apparently left Hogan's quarters, ending with silence.

I sat for a few moments and pondered my next move. If I could persuade Hogan to share his information on the Norden bombsight it would be a huge boost to my career. It would also be an important asset to my reputation as a loyal officer to the Fatherland. I was still nervous that the Gestapo might be suspicious of me. This could help erase any suspicions about my character.

The idea seemed to have some chance of success. Apparently, his men already thought him sympathetic to the German cause, and Hogan seemed proud of his German heritage. He had also agreed to eat breakfast again with me in the morning.

The more I thought about it, the more excited I became. I decided to telephone General Burkhalter and let him know of my important discovery. I had previously informed the general of my attempts to ingratiate myself with Hogan, so that there would be no question about my motives if gossip about our relationship began to circulate. I now had the happy opportunity to inform him that my efforts were already paying dividends.

General Burkhalter seemed a bit surprised at what I had to tell him, but quickly promised to come to Stalag 13 to meet with Hogan himself. I thought it an excellent idea. Hogan would surely be flattered by the attention of the general, and it would show the general what a valuable officer I was as well. Finally, I was anxious to show off my newly automated front gate mechanism. General Burkhalter would probably order all the camps to follow my example once he saw my gate in action.

The next day Schultz and I were waiting expectantly for the general's car to arrive, the gate controller in my hand. We saw the car approaching along the road. I pushed the button to activate the gate and it swung open, admitting the car.

I handed the controller to Schultz and rushed over to stop the general's car just inside the gate. I wanted to make sure that he saw the device securely close the gates behind him.

"Welcome, Herr General," I said as General Burkhalter emerged from the car looking annoyed as I saluted him and he saluted back.

"Oh," I continued, wanting to explain, "I stopped the car because I wanted to show you the little surprise I mentioned to you on the phone. Herr General, my escape-proof gates!" I waved at them with pride.

"These are fool-proof and they work perfectly!" I continued.

Just then I was struck forcefully from behind, by the gate, thrusting myself against the general, who fell back into his car.

"There must be some mistake sir!" I exclaimed in horror. I turned back toward the guard station, "Schultz! The controls!"

Schultz fiddled with the box and the gates swung open again.

"General Burkhalter - that idiot Schultz!" I protested as I helped the General back to his feet. "_Dummkopf!_" I shouted back at Schultz.

In seeming response the gates closed again, again throwing me against the general. This time, we both landed in the car.

"General, I assure you - " I began, as I hastily climbed off of my superior officer.

"Here, here, let me help you up," I stammered as I pulled General Burkhalter up and out of the car.

"It will not happen again!" I stated, but my ears caught the sound of Schultz frantically clicking the controller.

Sure enough, the gates swung open, and this time we were angled away from the car. The general landed flat on his back on the ground, I again on top of him. I was terrified that General Burkhalter might be seriously injured. As for myself, I was well cushioned by his ample body.

I again hastened to help him up. Fortunately, he was largely undamaged, but very angry. I pulled him away from the gates to avoid any further mishaps, snapping at Schultz to stop playing with the gate controls.

It took awhile, but I was finally able to soothe General Burkhalter with the application of my best schnapps and the tender smiles and caring hands of Fräulein Helga.

Once I had calmed him down, I played my recording from Hogan's quarters last night. The general listened intently, a very thoughtful look on his face.

The recording finished, and still General Burkhalter seemed to be sunk in a deep reverie. I resisted the urge to fidget like a nervous schoolboy. I had hoped that the general would be more favorably impressed than he seemed to be.

"We have been after the Norden for a long time," he finally mused aloud. "It would be a huge benefit for us to have the technology, it is one of the distinct advantages the Allies have. I wonder why..." he trailed off, his eyes narrowing, calculating.

He suddenly seemed to come back to himself, "Klink! Let us go outside. I find myself in need of some fresh air."

We walked out and stood on the porch of the Kommandantur. General Burkhalter watched the prisoners, out for their midday recreation period, thoughtfully.

"Judging by that recording," he said, "there is hardly any question Hogan knows the Norden bombsight."

"You can see, Herr General, that we are doing excellent work here," I said, hoping I had redeemed myself from the fiasco with the gate.

"Ja? Like those gates?" asked the general sarcastically while turning to me.

"Just a malfunction, sir," I said.

"Be careful I don't 'malfunction' you right to the Russian front!"

The general turned and walked along the porch, "But is Hogan ready to tell us about the Norden?" he continued.

"I have been working on him, Herr General," I said eagerly. "Even if I say so myself, when I turn on the charm I can be irresistible!"

"I have never had any trouble resisting you."

"Very good, sir," I replied, deflated.

The general seemed to be on the verge of smiling, but it was gone in an instant. He began walking back along the porch.

"I have ordered one of our engineering specialists, Major Klopfer, to come here, he will arrive tonight," continued the general as he walked down the porch steps.

"Yes sir!" I said, following in his wake.

"Now, let me see what we can do with Colonel Hogan," mused General Burkhalter.

"Do, do you - wish to interrogate him, sir? I can have him brought here..."

"Klink," the general sighed, "you are not only irresistible, but you're also very subtle."

"Thank you, sir!" I said, although I was uncertain as to his meaning.

General Burkhalter stopped and turned around to face me, "Like a broken leg," he said sardonically.

"Hogan requires very _delicate_ handling," the general continued, "tell me, is there anything particularly he wants?"

"Um, let me see," I said, desperately trying to clear my mind of images of handling Hogan _delicately._

"Oh yes," I recalled with relief, "he expressed a desire to go into town some evening for dinner at one of the local hotels - the Hausnerhof."

"That's something to go on," said General Burkhalter approvingly, "arrange a little party."

"That is exactly what I was thinking, Herr General," I replied, still trying to ingratiate myself.

"Good food and enough wine to make him talkative, and perhaps even some charming feminine company," continued the general.

"That is an excellent idea!" I said. I seized the opportunity to relay my own happy news, I was anxious to have it spread as quickly as possible, "By the way, I have this young lady friend, Gretchen. I met her at a _Kraft durch Freude_ picnic - "

"Please!" interrupted General Burkhalter, "spare me the details. Just arrange the party. And have him wear one of our uniforms, it's good psychologically."

"Yes, Herr General," I agreed, "Now, let me tell you about this lady - "

General Burkhalter began walking briskly to his car but suddenly stopped.

"Klink!"

"Yes, Herr General?"

"Let me make myself very clear," he said intensely, "I do not want to hear _anything_ about your personal life. If that changes, I will let you know. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Herr General," I said, disappointed.

"Good," said the general, looking slightly relieved. "I will go to the Hausnerhof. Telephone me there when you have everything ready."

"Yes, Herr General," I said, saluting.

He saluted back and drove away.

TBC

**A/N:** As has been pointed out previously, the Germans had the Norden information before WWII even started, but I am sticking with the anachronism as it is presented in the show. Next chapter will be Hogan's POV, and it should be a lot of fun! The changes I made in this chapter, from what is in the canon are fairly subtle, but important for my purposes. Let me know what you think!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: This chapter is back to Hogan's POV...By the way, can anyone help me with an issue I had with this chapter? I confess I don't know much about military regalia - can anyone tell me what rank of German officer Hogan is dressed as in this episode? I couldn't find any info about it online.

Top Hat, White Tie, and Bomb Sights - 5

I was grimly satisfied to see that Klink had fallen for our performance hook, line, and sinker. Just after noon, a general arrived in camp - General Albert Burkhalter, Klink's direct superior.

Interestingly, he came alone aside from his driver. I had expected a somewhat larger response, but concluded that probably Burkhalter wanted to test Klink's information for himself before making a big deal out of it.

As soon as the car was inside the gates, phase one of my revenge plan sprang into action. Kinch had wired up another controller for the gates, and he succeeded in giving Klink several good whacks with the gate swinging open and closed. He even managed to knock the general over as well.

Poor Schultz took the blame for it, but I knew he was safe. Klink might bluster and storm at him, but he'd never take any serious action. He was far too convenient as a scapegoat for Klink to risk bringing in a sergeant of true competence.

After meeting with Klink for awhile, the general left. Only a few minutes later I was called to Klink's office. The Commandant cheerfully informed me that he had obtained special permission from General Burkhalter for me to have the dinner I wanted in town. It was scheduled for that very night!

The plan was for Klink and I to leave camp in his staff car, pick up a few girls, and meet General Burkhalter at the Hausnerhof. Klink handed me a German uniform to wear. He said General Burkhalter required that I wear it. I figured the general probably didn't want curious locals wondering why he was wining and dining an American officer in town.

Klink escorted me over to his quarters so that I could shower, shave and change. It was nice to have an entire bathroom to myself for once. I confess that I took an obscenely long time about it, indulging myself in a long, hot shower and leisurely shave. It had been a long time since I'd had such a luxury, and who knew when it would come around again?

Once I was fully dressed in the uniform, with the cigarette pack with the coded message for "Willie" carefully placed in my pocket, I came out into Klink's sitting room. He seemed to have an air of barely repressed excitement about him.

_He must really be looking forward to a night on the town! _I thought.

We got in the car and headed for Hammelburg. Sitting together in the back seat of his car, Klink told me all about his new lady friend, Gretchen. I heard, in excruciating detail, all about their meeting at a picnic, and the rest of their day together. Once that history had finished, I was treated to a long description of her personal beauty and charming personality. I'm sorry to say that I didn't believe a word of it.

I instead pictured a drab spinster who had latched onto Klink with desperation, hoping to get married to someone, _anyone_, rather than die alone.

How wrong I was!

Gretchen turned out to be a knockout: a leggy, platinum blonde who looked like she belonged in Hollywood, rather than Hammelburg.

_This is Klink's girlfriend? How is this possible?_

Her friend Elsa, a pretty ash-blonde girl was also more than acceptable. The evening promised to be both productive and fun!

After picking up the girls, we drove to the Hausnerhof and I spent the trip quickly rearranging my assumptions about Gretchen and Klink.

Klink was positively glowing with pride and fawned over her. Gretchen encouraged his attentions, but also expressed a great deal of interest in me.

By the time we arrived and met up with the general, the picture had become very clear that Klink had once again set himself up for failure. Anyone but Klink could have predicted that three men and two women would add up to trouble.

Once introductions were made, General Burkhalter quickly appropriated Elsa, who ended up nearly in his lap. She seemed quite happy to be there, so I instead turned my attentions to Gretchen. Klink hovered possessively behind her, but it was clear that she was quite fascinated with me.

I had her number by then. For such a creature as Gretchen, a Luftwaffe colonel and the Commandant of a Stalag, no matter how ugly or awkward, had to be a much better catch than the local butcher or schoolmaster. If she hadn't arrived under the title of "Klink's Date," I'm sure she would have fought Elsa for the position on Burkhalter's lap. She would spend the night flirting with me because I was new, and interesting, and available for a limited time. Tomorrow she would return her affections to Klink and he would be pathetically grateful.

I was disgusted.

I was well familiar with such mercenary women, having dated some that were certainly more interested in becoming "Mrs. Colonel Robert Hogan" than being truly interested in me. I never found it particularly upsetting personally, as I know the societal pressure women are under to get married, and, if possible, marry well.

However, none of the women I'd ever dated ever treated me with such blatant disrespect as Gretchen was showing Klink. I was still angry with him over bugging my office, but I decided that I disliked Gretchen even more. I made up my mind to mix a kindness into my cruelty. Hopefully, by the end of the night I could expose Gretchen to such an extent that, if Klink had any pride at all, he would become immune to her charms.

The champagne and conversation flowed. General Burkhalter was a typical, self-important blowhard. After one of his innumerable anecdotes highlighting his closeness to Hitler, Gretchen leaned over to me and said, "The general is a very amusing man."

"A barrel of laughs," I replied, "there's also a physical resemblance." Burkhalter was quite rotund.

Gretchen laughed delightedly at my witticism. The general was too busy kissing Elsa's hand to notice us at that particular moment.

"Colonel, you're the funniest man I've ever met," Gretchen said.

Klink, who had been growing more anxious and unhappy as Gretchen flirted with me asked defensively, "What's the matter with me?"

"You want us to make a list?" I quipped.

Gretchen laughed, but the look in Klink's eyes after I said it made me hate myself almost as much as I did Gretchen.

TBC...

**A/N:** I am going to do something different next chapter: I am going to stick with Hogan's POV for another chapter because it just works better that way. I promise I will go back to Klink before finishing this story. And, as always - reviews come with virtual hugs and cookies!


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** I'm finally back! Sorry to have been away so long. I want to give a heart-felt thanks to all you readers who voted for my stories in the 2011 Papa Bear Awards. When I started this series I never could have imagined that any of them would win any sort of award! I am amazed and humbled.

Anyway, this chapter stays with Hogan. I know I usually alternate, but, due to what happens, I'm sure you can see that Hogan's is the best POV from which to observe…..

Also, I've changed some of the dialogue from the original episode.

**Warning:** Some mild sexual content ("dirty" dancing)

Top Hat, White Tie, and Bomb Sights – 6

"Waiter! More champagne for everybody!" called Burkhalter imperiously.

"Jawohl, Herr General," replied a red-jacketed waiter, hurrying over with a bottle.

_I better start looking for Willie, may as well start with this guy._

"Oh, thank you," I said to the waiter as he filled Gretchen's and my glasses, "by the way, do you know Lili Marleen?"

"No," replied the waiter, "but I'll ask the orchestra leader."

"Forget it," I said dismissively. I didn't know how many waiters I was going to have to ask, and I didn't want to listen to the orchestra play it repeatedly while I searched for the right one.

Klink had been shooting agonized glances between Gretchen and me ever since sitting down, but hadn't done much other than attempt to join in the conversation from time to time. He seemed to suddenly pull himself together, getting out of his chair and presenting himself in front of Gretchen with a formal heel-click and slight bow.

"Gretchen, my dear, would you care to dance?" he asked.

"I'm sorry, Liebchen, I'm a little tired tonight," Gretchen replied, turning away from Klink and leaning in toward me with a smile.

Something inside of me snarled at her inability to even feign politeness to the man who had invited her out for the evening. I quickly pushed it down. My concern for Klink's feelings couldn't distract me from completing my mission.

"It's been years since I've done any dancing," I said wistfully.

"I thought you'd never ask me," Gretchen immediately said, standing up.

I quickly rose with her and led her to the dance floor.

"Either you've got it or you haven't," I chirped at a clearly dismayed Klink as I walked by him.

Once on the dance floor Gretchen and I melded seamlessly together. I can't deny that I enjoyed it. She had an exquisite body, and it felt lovely pressed against mine, all willing curves and seductive swaying. It was clear we both had something more intimate than dancing on our minds. However, the distressed face of Klink was occasionally visible from our position, and it was a bit of a mood killer.

"Careful honey," I murmured in Gretchen's ear as she rubbed suggestively against me, "you're going to melt Klink's monocle."

She chuckled; a warm, throaty sound then murmured back, "The Colonel doesn't know what he's jealous over."

I didn't understand her response and wondered if it were due to the language difference.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

She glanced at Klink then arched an elegant brow at me and purred, "You dance very well, Colonel."

I was still puzzled, but decided to drop it. Gretchen and Klink were not my problem.

"Thank you, I used to take notes at Fred Astaire movies," I joked back.

I steered us over to the bar in my continuing search for Willie.

"Excuse me. Do you happen to know Lili Marleen?" I asked the bartender.

"Is that made with gin or whiskey?" he asked.

"Thank you, and goodnight," I replied as I swung Gretchen back out onto the dance floor.

"You seem to be very interested in this Lili Marleen," she remarked curiously.

"I'm taking a survey. It's a love song, you know."

My explanation seemed to satisfy her and we went back to dancing.

After a few seconds, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Klink.

"May I?" he asked, clearly wanting to cut in.

"Oh, by all means!" I said politely, handing Gretchen off to Klink. He immediately trod on her foot.

"Aii!" she exclaimed in pain.

"Oh! I'm terribly sorry, my dear," exclaimed Klink.

"Well, it's her fault for having a leg on that side," I said with sarcasm, then left them on the dance floor.

I questioned another waiter on my way back to our table, but still didn't find Willie.

I sat back down with the general and Elsa, who seemed to be enjoying themselves. I sipped my drink and scanned the room for waiters I hadn't questioned yet.

Suddenly, Burhalter was leaning toward me and speaking, "You and the colonel seem to have something in common."

"You mean Gretchen? Good kid – good little dancer, too," I smiled.

"Isn't there something more?" questioned Burkhalter.

"Come on General, I just met the girl," I protested with a knowing smile.

Burkhalter laughed heartily at that, but said, "No, no, I mean you and Klink see things eye-to-eye the German way."

"I try to be realistic," I shrugged.

"Excellent attitude! I take it you like to be on the winning side."

I looked over at him and was a bit startled at the change that had come over him. Gone was the indolent playboy. In his place was a man of keen intelligence, evaluating me as thoroughly as I was him.

"General, what's on your mind? I mean, besides Elsa?"

I was wondering how much Burkhalter would say in front of a civilian. It would be a good indication of how important he thought my information might be.

Burkhalter chuckled again, seemingly genuinely amused, "Cards on the table, hmm?"

Then, he was back to being a serious military man, pinning me with a steely gaze, "All right, we're interested in the Norden."

Something about Burkhalter appealed to me. Maybe it was his appreciation of my humor, or that he seemed to be unusually patient with Klink's shortcomings. I decided I would give him a chance to save himself from embarrassment, if he could pick up on my hint.

"Oh, that old thing? Is that all?" I exclaimed in derisive puzzlement. Now, if Burkhalter were smart, he would question why I would be so dismissive about something so important.

"Excuse me," I continued, "Gretchen wants to be rescued." _And, I still need to find Wille._

I left the table, Burkhalter's eyes following me in a calculating stare.

I tapped Klink on the shoulder, "May I?"

Gretchen immediately turned away from him and into my arms. Klink made his typical annoyed grunt and stomped away.

I scanned the room, looking for a waiter with whom I hadn't yet spoken. I saw a nervous-looking man serving coffee at one of the tables. He looked like someone with a lot on his mind. It could be Willie.

"Honey? Why don't you go back to the table. I'll be with you in a minute."

"Something is wrong?" Gretchen asked, clearly disappointed at me for cutting our dance short.

"I want to say hello to an old friend – I hope."

"Don't be long. I will miss you."

Gretchen then kissed me. I didn't respond, feeling that would be crossing a line, even for me. Klink had suffered enough. She smiled and left. I rolled my eyes at her retreating form.

I went and intercepted the nervous waiter as he balanced a bread-basket on a tray.

"Excuse me," I said.

"Yes sir?"

"Do you know Lili Marleen?"

Immediately he began to tremble, "Yes, YES!" he exclaimed, dumping the basket of rolls on the woman behind him.

I removed the basket from her head and handed it back to Willie.

"Do you know Lili Marleen?" I asked again. He still hadn't given the counter-sign.

"Yes," he repeated as we knelt to pick up the scattered rolls.

"Yes what?" I asked impatiently.

"Yes, can you spare a cigarette?" he gasped sounding as un-casual as possible.

"Here," I said, taking the pack out of my uniform, "keep the pack."

He promptly stuffed it into the basket with the rolls.

I sighed and took it out and put it into his jacket.

"Don't forget to read it," I murmured to him as we stood up.

"You're all right," I assured him as he looked shiftily around the room, "I like a spy with nerves of steel."

He nodded anxiously and walked away. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. The poor man would probably be dead within a month if he didn't pull it together.

I looked around and saw Klink waving at me from our table. Apparently, it was showtime…..

**A/N:** The next chapter will be the last, and it will be from Klink's POV….Please drop me a line and let me know what you think of this chapter…..


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** This is the final chapter and we are back with Klink's POV. I have added additional material to the end of the episode (you'll see when you get there!).

Top Hat, White Tie, and Bomb Sights – 7

We arrived late back at camp, after the evening of drinking and dancing. I had seen my hopes for a future with Gretchen burn into ashes before my eyes. When I dropped her off at her house, I knew that I would never see her again. Her behavior with Hogan had been intolerable!

I was disappointed, but not as angry as I had thought I would be. I nursed one tiny spark of hope in my heart from the evening. I had seen Gretchen kiss Hogan. Instead of kissing her back he had glanced nervously in my direction, and then looked disgusted as she walked away. I interpreted it to mean that Hogan also felt her behavior was inappropriate, even though he had seemed to encourage it.

So, instead of mourning the loss of Gretchen's affections, I spent the ride back to Stalag 13 wondering about the man beside me. By this time I was thoroughly confused. Did he like women or men? I had evidence to argue in favor of both. There had been the fellow prisoner he had passionately kissed, but then he seemed to flirt with every woman that crossed his path. If he was acting, he did it very well.

I was no nearer solving the puzzle of Hogan by the time we had settled into my office to listen to Hogan's information on the Norden. He had changed back into his American uniform, and General Burkhalter had collected Major Klopfer to take pictures and ask technical questions.

I pushed all thoughts of Gretchen and the question of Hogan's bed partners to focus on Hogan's discussion. I was warmed by the idea that I had managed to win his confidence, and that tonight would be the start of a whole new chapter in our relationship. We would now be comrades in arms, if not friends as well. In addition, General Burkhalter would be in my debt, and my career would surely receive an important, long overdue boost.

In a few moments, Hogan managed to destroy that dream as well.

As Hogan finished his drawing of the Norden, Klopfer exclaimed, "General! This man is describing a vacuum cleaner, not a bomb sight!"

"What?" thundered Burkhalter in extreme displeasure.

"Vacuum cleaner?" I heard myself repeat in a horrified tone.

"Norden makes one of the greatest vacuum cleaners in the world!" exclaimed Hogan cheerfully.

Burkhalter rose from his chair and towered over me.

"Congratulations Klink, you've done it again!"

I saluted him in terrified bewilderment. He didn't return my salute, only turned and stormed out of the office, followed by Major Klopfer.

I got up and confronted Hogan face to face, temporarily forgetting that my hidden microphones in his quarters were supposed to be a secret.

"But you said you tested the Norden," I insisted.

"I had one in my room at the base where I trained," he shrugged.

"We wined you and dined you and now you're describing a vacuum cleaner," I protested.

"You asked me, remember?" he threw back.

I made one last appeal, "You're going to get me into a lot of trouble for this."

I regretted it immediately; Hogan didn't need to know how precarious my position might be. It would only give him more power to manipulate me.

"Besides that, you owe me 500 marks for the champagne alone."

Great, now I'd told him the state of my finances.

"Forget it," Hogan said dismissively.

"Forget it, he says," I said throwing up my arms in disgust.

"Of course. What good is money going to do you at the Russian front?" he asked.

I took out my monocle and stared at him in horror. I simply didn't know what to say.

After a second Hogan's smile faded and he gave a sigh.

"Kommandant, don't you think you should have a word with Burkhalter before he leaves?"

I shook myself, "Yes. You are dismissed to your quarters."

I paused, and then added angrily, "Enjoy yourself tonight because it's the last night you'll be spending in my bed."

As I hurried in pursuit of the general, I fretted that my final comment to Hogan sounded petty and spiteful, rather than full of the offended dignity I had intended to project. Somehow, nothing I did in front of Hogan came out as I intended.

I managed to catch General Burkhalter just as he was getting into his car.

"General," I began, "I am terribly sorry for this misunderstanding, but you heard the tape yourself – "

"Shut up, Klink," Burkhalter snapped, sounding a bit tired.

"Yes sir," I replied.

"Klink, I am instructing both you and Major Klopfer to forget that this ever happened. We will never mention this event again, ever."

"Very good, sir," I agreed.

With that, the General sighed heavily as he lowered himself into the car. His driver slammed the door shut and I stood at attention as the car drove away.

The next morning I made good on my promise and sent Schultz to collect all my belongings from Hogan's quarters. The old bunk was to be put back, but I said that the travel posters could stay if Hogan wanted them.

I paced my office as my orders were carried out. Eventually, I made my way over to Barracks 2. I wanted to see if Hogan showed any sign of regret over the consequences of his little joke.

Schultz apparently heard me approaching because he announced loudly, "All done Herr Kommandant," before I entered the room.

"Very good Schultz!" I responded as I marched into Hogan's room. Oddly, he and Hogan looked slightly surprised to see me.

"Now Hogan," I began firmly, before giving him a chance to try and charm or befuddle me, "General Burkhalter was kind enough to forget the whole matter, but I am going to teach you – "

"Just one minute, Kommandant," Hogan interrupted me, "one more THING." He reached up and yanked a microphone out of the lamp above his table.

"This," he continued, handing it to me, "and these," he picked up a pile of wires and listening devices from the table and placed them in my hands.

"You'd better take them along. I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings," he ended with a wicked smile.

"Hurt my feelings?" I repeated in shock.

"I may talk about Gretchen in my sleep."

I swallowed a sudden wave of nausea.

"Schultz," I said, hating how weak I sounded.

"Yes, Kommandant?"

"Take these," I said, shoving the microphones in his hands, "dismissed."

"Jawohl, Herr Kommandant."

Schultz hurried from the room and I closed the door behind him. I turned and leaned against it as Hogan gave me one of his calculating stares.

"You knew all along," I said.

Hogan said nothing, but inclined his head to indicate agreement.

"All this business…about the Norden…was, what? An elaborate prank to humiliate me?"

Hogan paused a moment before answering, still studying me carefully, "I was angry, Kommandant. How would you feel if you found listening devices in _your _bedroom?"

I felt my face flush, but couldn't think of anything to say.

After a moment of silence, Hogan started toward me slowly, almost prowling.

"Kommandant? I asked you a question: How would _you_ feel – if you knew someone was listening to you in bed? Would you be offended? Angry? Maybe _terrified_?"

Hogan had approached me slowly, never taking his eyes from mine. I was near panic, my heart pounding and sweat trickling down my back, in spite of the chill. Any moment, Hogan was going to be against me. What did he want? Was he going to attack me? Was he insinuating that he knew about me? My mouth was dry and my throat seemed to have closed up. I'm not sure I would have been able to speak, had I known what to say.

"We all have secrets, Kommandant. Secrets we share only in our most private moments, at our most vulnerable – with our lovers, or in our dreams – or in the dreams we have of our lovers. I don't think you want to hear _my_ dreams, Kommandant, so I strongly suggest that you _never_ bug my quarters again."

He was pressed against me now, just lightly, but enough for me to feel the physical threat of his presence, the suggestion of the weight and power of his body. I had never been so frightened, and yet, I found to my horror that it was also arousing. If he pressed just a bit closer, I was convinced he would feel my heart thundering with the strange mixture of excitement and terror coursing through my body.

"Hogan," I managed to croak, "please…"

I really didn't even know how to finish that thought.

He immediately stepped back, still studying me carefully, staring at me as if he'd never seen me before.

I closed my eyes and rested my head against the door, taking a few deep breaths to regain some semblance of composure.

When I opened my eyes again, Hogan was still looking at me, although now his expression was thoughtful, rather than penetrating.

"Hogan," I said, in a slightly more normal tone of voice, "don't ever threaten me again or I will put you in the cooler."

"It wasn't a threat, sir, just a suggestion."

"Well, I _suggest_ that you maintain an attitude of respect while making suggestions," I snapped.

"Respect goes both ways Kommandant."

"It does," I acknowledged after a few seconds, "but let me ask you, Hogan, between the two of us, who do you think truly respects the other more?"

Hogan's eyes widened in surprise; it was enough. I turned and left.

END

A/N: *whew* Well…what do you think?


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